“This is love, she thought, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?”—Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer
I’ve been counting Mississippi -s whenever I feel a tug at my heart or a lump in my throat. It sounds so childish, but it has helped me and put me to sleep without the countless thoughts running through my head.
Three Mississippi, Four Mississipi, Five…
I’ve been telling myself this is the same as before, you’ve been through this - you can do it again. Piece of cake. But the Mississippi -s keep coming and will not stop. I hope I will be able to look back at this in two weeks and laugh without having to count anymore Mississipi -s.
Six Mississippi, Seven Mississippi, Eight, and so on.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and start over. But the thought of not having the memories we made isn’t worth the price of some heartbreak. And going through the ache and pain again is a risk I’m not willing to take.
"It’s like screaming, and no one can hear. You always feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless - like nothing can save you. And when its over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good."
I think it’s so amazing how when you like someone enough that they’re the only person to whom you’re truly attracted. It doesn’t matter if they’re not the best looking person in the world, you’re completely oblivious to anyone else really. I think that’s why people say that love is blinding, your focus is so concentrated that there’s only enough room for that one person, it’s really intriguing.
“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.”—Esther Hicks (via hip-)